CASSANDRA
31, Brooklyn, NYC.
A: What was you looking for when you when you found pole dancing?
C: I don't know if I had much of an interest starting pole, but I've always been a mover. Either it's dance or sports, it’s something that's always been important to me. In my last year at grad school, during winter break, I had these free class passes, I was just tired of running - I had always been a runner, I had took a lot of yoga classes and I was tired of doing yoga. And I was like, “okay, what's another fun way to move my body?” and I just thought of pole dancing. I did a quick Google of pole dancing studios near me and saw that they took class pass and took my first class with my sister.
A: And what about that first class made you feel like this was something you wanted to continue?
C: So the instructor was great, she was really supportive. I also like a challenge, and ways to move my body, that first class was so new to me it was an apparatus I've never used before I just I thought it was really cool. Towards the end of class, another student who seemed to have been poling for a while had taken a class with their friends who were new to pole and she was just showing them all this cool stuff you could do and I thought that was really awesome. I’m a bit competitive and I just thought like “yeah I can get to that point, I can do that and so after that I just kept on taking classes. I pushed myself to do something new and it was really difficult but I just loved the challenge of it.
A: You teach now, so you're no longer just a student, how has pole changed and evolved for you personally over the last few years?
C: Yeah. So I guess before it was self care and a way to move my body, I started pole in 2019, A year later Covid hit, and I was still was employed, but work was slow and I had so much time to pole and I really think that did help when 2020 was such a tough year for most of us.
Then as I’ve progressed, whether it’s performing or teaching or the use of social media, it kind of forces me to think of pole a bit differently… so yes it’s still self care, but in somewhat weird way it’s also work. I’d like to perform more, I’d like to teach more students, so I need get myself out there, so now I'm thinking about content and videos, which adds another challenging layer that I still have complicated feelings about.
I still think of pole as self care and it still motivates me, but I'm just trying to channel back into some of the initial, things that I thought was challenging about it and that's been really fun. But again, the social media side of it and having to promote myself is difficult. I don't really have as much free time to pole just for myself anymore, too, so that's a bit challenging. When before I had the time, it was used as self care, and it still is, it’s just less now that I have to think strategically think about it.
A: So if pole isn't - well, it is self care, but it’s not entirely… how do you retain the joy of pole and go back to the reason why you started? How are you doing that?
C: I think that’s what I'm working on now, I’ve been posting a lot less on socials and just thinking about what is it that I want to see myself doing? Thinking about different creative ways to move through the pole, up the pole or down the pole, and really just being a student. I'm learning low flow through one of my friends and I think that's been helpful for me to at least take a step back and be like okay, there's so much more I still can do with pole, it's still fun, that challenge is still there.
A: Now you’re trying to get back to being a student, how has posting on socials and making a conscious effort of visibility because you need to work work, impacted how you now move, and how are you kind of reclaiming yourself back?
C: I think with social media, there's this feeling being perceived and not being perceived the way that you want to. It kind of removes, like, some of the authenticity around it, I just have so many different feelings about this.
I guess the first part is the way I move, I noticed I was creating my movement to how you think people want to see you move, but then I’m like “hey that didn't really feel good”. I think people expect someone to look a certain way when they move a certain way. And I think that's what you see on social media right now too and for me, it’s not working, especially with the algorithm always changing and whatnot. You know, regardless of what I do it’s gonna be the way it is right now, so I'm just gonna do what I want, be okay with it and see what happens.
So I think letting go of that has really been helpful… I think also with social media, the feeling of being perceived, even though I don’t want to be perceived, is really tough, because I move specifically for me. But again, people can interpret it however way they want. Whether that’s for the male gaze or for femininity, or anything like that it just doesn't really connect with me, and that's something I've been really struggling with. The comments, the reshares and just people making their own opinion about what I do and my movement makes me feel uncomfortable. Learning to let that go has been helpful it's still tough, and it's still gets me at times but I'm working through it.